This is where the current narrative on shame has it all backwards. Just because it feels bad, doesn’t mean it is bad. Just because it hurts, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Shame isn’t some bug in our emotional programming left over from a more primitive time. It’s not a flaw in the human condition whose eradication spells progress. It’s an alarm built into our system that serves a vital purpose. Shame is on your team and aims to help you grow. It is painful, but that is the only language it speaks to inspire change. Just as the burning sensation on your hand aims to protect you from keeping your hand in the fire, shame only wants to show the areas where you need to direct your work.Read More
When we fight all battles and eliminate adversity we strip children of the opportunity for self-sufficiency, passion, and resiliency. We may be pacifying our children now, but we are only kicking the can further down the road. It is them who will have to pay for a lack of consequences. We entrench the patterns of chronic physical and mental poor health far more painful than the cuts, bruises, and hard lessons we’ve worked so hard to shield them from.
When we blunt feedback, we are completely ignorant as to our missteps until the compounded effect manifests in a painful blowout. It could have all been prevented, if we’d only been able to deal with the consequences earlier in this chain of events.Read More