Posts tagged development
You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself

This is where the current narrative on shame has it all backwards. Just because it feels bad, doesn’t mean it is bad. Just because it hurts, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Shame isn’t some bug in our emotional programming left over from a more primitive time. It’s not a flaw in the human condition whose eradication spells progress. It’s an alarm built into our system that serves a vital purpose. Shame is on your team and aims to help you grow. It is painful, but that is the only language it speaks to inspire change. Just as the burning sensation on your hand aims to protect you from keeping your hand in the fire, shame only wants to show the areas where you need to direct your work.

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Stop Trick-or-Treating and Grow Up

Don’t get angry at community members for uttering the obvious: “Aren’t you too old for this?” Cue the indignant parental response: “It isn’t fair to my baby for people to ask that.” Actually it is completely fair. If your high school junior wants to dress up as Maui and ask for Twix, that’s cool. He just better be ready for some raised eyebrows. I wouldn’t get offended if the bank teller looked at me weird when I asked for a lollipop, or the mall Santa told me to get off his lap. It’s part of growing up. Still, many believe it is their role to fight all battles, thus perpetually delaying maturation. Adulthood and self-reliance, rather than exciting goals for our children, have been transformed into a dreaded expiration date that society is trying to fend off as long as possible. It is the overgrown children who pay the price.

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Friday Musings on Being a New Father of Two

Just over a week ago, my wife, Neely, and I finally reached the culmination of our adoption journey becoming the parents of two beautiful children- a 5-week old baby girl, Brix Dani Trotter, and her 18-month old brother, Ace Cowen Trotter. Since then we’ve been figuring a lot of things out. Here are just a few new-daddy takeaways from the past week.

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